And I am alive enough to know
that my body feels foreign.
It's no one else's but my own
but the night is a reminder of things not
being as they seem and it feels weird.
The weirdness is as fresh as watching your
big toe twitch without your permission.
I should have the will over all my body's responses.
Only because I own it.
Does that truly make sense? Does the body belong
to the body?
I specifically asked for colors and all you have is grey?
Grey is dignified, I suppose. It is the mind, is it not?
My heart is permanently sprained or strained,
this in turn has an adverse effect on my big toe.
It's defiance is a reflection of my loss---
my inability to control what my heart does.
I want to go back to sleep
At least let me have control of that one thing,
let me rest.